I was around 10 years of age that my schoolteacher told me that in England people use the word ‘ tree ‘ to mention that usually partly green peace of nature that we in the Netherlands call ‘ boom ‘. I was pretty confused because with the new learned english word ‘ tree ‘ I noticed that the object was still the same as it was before. From that time I started to question everything that was around me, sound and solid embedded in my safe environment.
I was around 13 when I asked my minister if the people in Thailand were pagans, because they were active Buddhists. How could it be that we in the west had a moratorium on the proper Faith? He had no answer.I went and knew I had to go and find Truth somewhere else.
I started to study the Tarot, and found myself deeper in Mysticism when at 27 I went to a Satsang into Advaita Vedanta with my teacher for years, Alexander Smit, a pupil of Shri Nisargadatta Maharaj. The day after my first meeting with him everything was at peace and I knew that was my place to be. During the years I learned a lot from him and my life became one big search ‘ who am I ‘.
It took a few years after Alexander’s death in 1998 that I started to have private meetings with Ben Visser, a pupil of Wolter Keers, who used to be another teacher of Advaita Vedanta. During those seven years I got confronted with deep feelings of desolation and fears to lose everything I had built up in security over the years. I sometimes laid down on my bed and asked death to come. All these years I knew I had to watch all my bouncing moments of death and uncertainty in a way I just had to experience the overwhelming feelings as if they were just happening without me being involved.
After the passing away of Ben I knew I had to go for my exam and when I had come to the point I really had to give up my existence : nothing happened. It was quiet, fears had abandoned me and I only could sing of joy.
Since then I talk in the tradition of Advaita Vedanta, the path of nonduality. Friends listen and encourage me to share this with you all.
Feel free to ask me your questions on ‘ Who Am I ‘ I would love them to answer them on my blog for you.