Standing on a beach, looking over the vast ocean, you ask yourself the question: what can you do with all the water, as far as your eyes can reach and beyond. You immediately start to use buckets in all shapes an seizes to lift the water out of the ocean. And how many buckets you will use during your life-time, the ocean will keep the same shape. This is what you do while building up your life out of a thousand ever-changing forms. You are constantly in the process of reshaping. A little bit of this, and a little bit of that. And yet the water in your buckets remains the same, unchanged, a whole life long.
One day, busy collecting your buckets with water, tired and fed up you suddenly give up on it. At that moment you start to look at the ocean as it is. No need to lift up your buckets with water any more. Till then…..buckets…..with water.
Q: I am feeling uncomfortable reading your last article* where you write about that we all look for some sort of special moment. A moment where we reach a definite point of understanding. Like we call it reaching enlightenment or self-realisation. Just to find out there is not really such an ultimate moment and, still there is at the same time.
A: Why did it make you feel uncomfortable?
Q: Because it makes me realise I am still looking for definite answers on ‘who I am’. For me it is like getting deeper and deeper into the matter, every moment of my life. My life is build on this quest and some day when I have realised the answers, there will be a sudden understanding. It was a kind of road with an end and now you make me feel the road has no end.
A: The road is a circle. Look at your uncomfortable feeling. Go deeper into it.
Q: It puts me on hold. What to do next when there is no special moment to be reached? At least not as in an ultimate goal to be reached.
A: You are used to work with goals. Look at your life. As a little child from the moment on you started to see yourself as Karin*, a little girl in a big world full with other people, you already unconsciously had started to set up defences. This being a person was and is the defense. It looks like a comfort-zone. A place where you can stash all your toys, feelings and idea’s. All safely set into a structured life. This all gave you a profession, a partner, a house, a pension-plan. And then so around the age of 35 all of a sudden you ask yourself: is this all there is? which on itself is a happy moment but, again you make it part of your safe and structured Life. Now enlightenment has become a goal. A new toy to desire for. Hopefully Santa will deliver it this Christmas.
Q: What is wrong with that? Like 24/7 this quest is putting a spell over my life. Everything I do in my life is build upon this quest. I am full of it. And now you say I am just asking for my present?
A: My last article made you feel uncomfortable? Well, happy I am. In our tradition* confrontation is a blessing. You tell me that it made you stand still on your path?
Q: Yes. I mean…hmm, so I am just busy walking in circles? Still I can’t say I give up on my search to get a final realisation of who I am. I can’t.
A: No you can’t because, you realise that this whole life, build upon the survival of the persona is making you feel miserable in the end, no matter how much new buckets with water you pull out of the ocean to decorate your life. On itself there is nothing wrong with a good bucket of water but, it will never give you the ultimate satisfaction you are looking for.
To make this clear to you I will tell you more about the struggle for life I have been through till I finally dropped the last bucket of my shoulders. It will give you clarity*
* This will be in my next weeks article *Karin is a fake name *Advaita Vedanta *