Choices? Who’s there make choices! part 2

Lately I wrote a piece on the subject of Choice. In this part I will give you a follow-up. I know it will help you a great deal by understanding that having to make a Choice is no freedom at all. Having the right to Choose directions in your life is expressing the problem. First there is just the Idea of a separate you and then we create Choices to make as part of that freedom. Its like running around in a gigantic maze, being so happy that you are able to go right or left. You would help yourself more by taking the only path : NO WHERE TO GO, NO WHERE TO BE.


Q:Last time you talked about ‘ Choices ‘. I understand that easily when you talk about just the little things like the choice of food. At the same time Life often have put me on bigger Choices, like a job I should take or not, or if I should have a divorce or not.


A: First I give you a short answer: there is no difference at all between small and big choices.:Period. Let me tell you a story and ask you this time something about it, first.

Years and years ago I was about to go on holiday by car. One day before departure I had not made up my mind where to go to. I could go to England. The English countryside is great and I love the small villages. It’s very humble, but the weather was unstable and rain wasn’t something I was looking forward to. Other possibility were Germany and Austria. I really like these countries as well. I feel at home in Germany. My son is german even. I could go to France, Scandinavia. My thoughts were going over end over. Finally I went to France. For a few days I was driving to north and south and back, making mileage. Within five days I got home again. I was still as restless as it could be. Later on I realised I was very tired. Too tired to travel.

So what do you think I should have done?


Q: You should have stayed home, obviously.


A: Haha. No, I have done exactly the only thing that was meant to be done. My tour de force around France was exactly it. And this is why I give you this example. It’s so weird to drive around 2000 km, to end up at the start within short notice. This is what we would call not normal. In to what we call abnormal we often say: this is a mistake. We should have done it the other way around.


Q: still it took me more than a year to finally decide to divorce my wife. It wasn’t a decision I could make in a second. That Choise took a lot of time to make.


A: Matters of the heart are very difficult to understand when you need to see them in the department of ‘ who am I ‘ You have to realise that the Love you feel for someone is all based on feelings. These feelings are part of the mind, there where your idea’s are made. In Advaita Vedanta we don’t want to interfere with the experiences ‘ Love ‘ will give to you. Quite the contrary: the experience is a direct possibility to get to KNOW yourself.

The body-mind structure has its own agenda. The whole world of objects, all based on thoughts, is dancing in an everlasting waltz of change. Some people will stay with their partner a life-time. Others will have relationships by the change of the season. It’s the movement of the world of objects. Just don’t get involved.

At the moment you put it in the world, and leave your husband, it is already meant to be like that. If you would have stayed with him, it would have been like that. There already has been a moment, a first little impression, as tiny as it was, it made you question your relationship. Obviously the first fling of a moment passed you by, but that was THE moment you knew your relation would come to an end. We are not used to react on direct impulse. You have put it aside. You are not used to it. Specially not on the matters of the heart. It’s therefore that for most people, the road towards divorce is a harsh one. At the same time the emotions are always THE invitation to feel. Do this as a watcher. Don’t get involved.

It’s perhaps not easy to understand. So I will tell you more soon enough: promised


Acceptance is NOT the key!

Q: A few days ago I saw the text “acceptance is the key.” Still it is hard to accept the situation my life is currently in. I lost my job, and I it is not easy to find another job. I am worried how to pay my bills in the near future.


A:I would suggest to you ‘NOT TO ACCEPT ‘. It’s a word, it means nothing. It’s just like you’ve just lost a soccer match and you say to your fellow players: hey, don’t you worry, just accept it and go on. Accept it. The other day my postman asked me to accept a parcel: are you able to accept this parcel?. I could have said; No. But why would I, because then I should have made a trip to the postoffice to collect it. So accepting the mail was the only option for me. And I think the best one! So yes, my mail I can accept, but to accept Life? No! Acceptance is like a hollow phrase. It has lost all possible meaning. You can accept your mail, not your Life.

You just lost your job. This means action. Life is asking you for a reaction. You have to act deliberately. Now the news of losing the job is behind you. The emotions have done their work. You have to get yourself together. You can relieve your stress on several ways. Go walking, jogging, Yoga. You can benefit of that all. This has nothing to do with acceptance. What did you say to your former boss? Thank you, I accept it gracefully? Or what did you do?


Q: I felt shocked indeed and told him he was putting me into big trouble, because I have a family to feed. I was very pissed off as well by the sudden message of losing the job. No I was not happy at all.


A: But did you accept it?


Q: Sure I did. What could I do?


A: Did you really accept it like I am talking about accepting the Parcel the mailman had for me? I had no emotions at that moment. Sure, I was happy getting the new supply for my tv, but that was that. It was no big deal. I was not getting a legal letter of justice by the taxman. It just was something small: a television-cable. How nice. How useful. I simply accepted it.


Q: No, I felt raged, angry and a bit out of control with mixed emotions! I could have slammed doors, and smashed my briefcase down the hall, but most of all I felt really miserable.


A: Wonderful! Yes wonderful, because that is where Life has put you all of a sudden. The whole system comes into action. That is not acceptance! That is not saying thank you to the postman!

I call it EXPERIENCE. You exactly did what you had to do: reacting and experiencing at the same time. This means you are alive! And still you experience it by reminding yourself of that precious moment. Yes, I call it precious because it let you experience YOU in all your true nature This is what Life is all about: EXPERIENCE.


Life will let you feel. It is like a dance. Sometimes we dance for joy and other times we cry for pain. That is how it is. I often notice we try to give this a place, a spot to hide it. We say: accept your life. how it is. In this manner, acceptance is like giving up on life. I know people who say: I have a few terrible relationships behind me. And now a friend says: perhaps you better live on your own with your cats, because relationships bring you notorious trouble. Accept that you are better of on your own.

Oh, this is so wrong. This is a very bad advice, because it seems that relationships have to give you experience. They will appear into your Life giving you again and again a sort of EXPERIENCE. You don’t have to look for it. It will be in front of you any time you like it. LIFE is EXPERIENCE. A DIRECT INVITATION TO SELF-REALISATION!

Choices? Who’ s there to make choices? Part 1

Q: Sometimes I read that I have no Choices, because everything is predestined. At other moments I hear that I am self responsible for my own Life, including the choices that I make. This sounds like an anti-pole. So what  is wrong and what is right?


A: Actually both is right. Yes, you will make Choices in your life. Again and Again. At the same time, the bigger YOU, in were the choice-maker appears is not interested at all in making choices. It’s just there. Every second it is around, making no choices at all. There is a lot to be said about. And I am planning to do so. I will give you a long answer, because it is important to understand this.


A: Put yourself in to a moment of choices. You are in the supermarket looking for some vegetables. For a moment you hold your breath: what shall I take. There is so much variety. All of the sudden you decide to have the Broccoli: you made your choise. On a daily base you make quite a lot of them. All small decisions. For a short moment time seems to come to a standstill. You even hold your breath. Your hands stop acting. What can I do? What do I want? What do I need? Suddenly thoughts come up. Giving you idea’s on the subject that matters: what do we have for dinner tonight? It sounds trivial but it happens many times during the day. We act, move and flow, but all of a sudden we hold our breath: mind lets you wait like a train holding on a station till it can pick up its journey with new passengers.


Because that is what you do. You move, flow and suddenly hold yourself sometimes only for a second. That is the moment new thoughts arrive. You would love to take Fish and Chips for dinner, but you are on a diet or you don’t want to die with high cholesterol like  uncle Joe. Lets take the Broccoli: its fresh, green, healthy, but you don’t fancy the broccoli as much as you love the taste of crispy french fries, but…but.. Within a split second you build up some sort of basket full of thoughts, acting carefully out of Believe systems. In the end you pick up the Broccoli . How trivial it will seem to be, you were going to pick up the Broccoli anyhow. That was for sure. It’s the mind that gave you some idea’s to think over. The moment of Choise was a moment of hesitation. Somehow you find yourself struggling between a so-called healthy lifestyle or a life with joy for food and taste with possible consequences for a disease in result. This whole process of Identification only took place for a few seconds. All choices are hesitations. The flow never stops. You make a stop. Its you that pulls the emergency-brake. You don’t know why and you even call it freedom of Choice.


Basically its this moment of Choice that puts you into trouble. I know people who never make an issue of the choise of food. They simply pick what they like, and that’s it. They are not big eaters. They never grow a dime. They never are very thin either.They have a taste for everything. They can enjoy ‘the all you can eat ‘ in a steakhouse and the other day they pick just some salad, enjoying it with the same good taste. They simply eat, like something that has to be done on a daily base. It’s no big deal Never they make Choices on food. Its a simple need and food gets no single attention in Life. Yeah sure you would say: there is no one in the world that never made a small Choice on food. And that’s true, because not many people live Life in Direct Response!


What about deeper Choices you have to make? Divorcing or not. Career-moves? Having to move, having children or not?


*”” Writing this article I notice it would be too long for one article. So I will give you a second part within a few days to come! Check it out or follow my blog by mail to get an immediate reminder “”